A letter I wrote several years ago...

Dear Superintendent ________,

 Each year the Gay, Lesbian, Straight Education Network (GLSEN) sponsors a letter writing campaign during which a school district’s former students share with administrators some of their school experiences growing up gay. Generally, the writer of the letter will sign his or her name, but since I am also a teacher in the ________ district, I do not feel free to sign my letter. Perhaps, though, this will underscore the intent of the campaign—to encourage school districts to add sexual orientation to their clauses of nondiscrimination and no-harassment and to encourage them to take action to help their gay, lesbian and bisexual students, teachers and community members to feel safe, secure and welcome in the school district.

 ________, under your leadership, has taken major steps with diversity issues within the schools and the community.  This is very commendable.  Many of the staff and faculty have attended workshops and classes dealing with diversity and many work hard to make the schools free of hatred, intolerance and bigotry since we all know that learning becomes secondary to any student who does not feel like he/she is cared for or even wanted.  One group, however, is ignored--the gays, lesbians and bisexuals who make up almost ten percent of the ________ School District’s faculty, staff community and student populations.

 As a former student in the ________ schools I have more unhappy and painful memories than I do happy and warm ones.  As an elementary school student I felt different and as though I did not really fit-in with most of the other kids. Of course, I had no idea then that this had anything to do with my sexual orientation. Studies continually show that such feelings are quite common among young gays since, very likely, sexual orientation is largely caused by genetics or some other biological factors.

 As a junior high school student I was called “faggot” by a gym teacher, was called “queer” and stuck with straight pins by two students on the bus and was laughed at in front of study hall by the study hall monitor because of the way I held my books.  I, consequently, became physically ill each day I had gym class, cried when I had to go to school and learned to hate school.  I began to withdraw as I realized how I was different from most of the other people.

 As a high school student in ________ I felt isolated, alone, unwelcome and as though I was some kind of horrible monster. Yet, I knew that there was nothing I could do about it.  I tried to date girls, even went to the prom, but always felt as though I was false to myself. I had no role model, no person with whom I could talk, so I felt trapped. One teacher, however, paid attention to me and literally saved my life.  Though she did not feel at liberty to say that she understood that I was dealing with sexuality issues brought on by homophobia, she was able to make it clear that she knew that I was a good person of worth.  I am so thankful for that remarkable woman.

 Dr. ________, my experiences as a student are very common. Many books are on the market in which gay/lesbian/bisexual students and teachers share their stories.  A recent government study shows that 35% of all successful teen suicides are committed by gay/lesbian/bisexual teens.  Other studies show that many of those who drop out of school or fail, do so because of their inability to deal with their sexuality in a homophobic setting.  Almost every gay/lesbian/bisexual person can tell you stories of what it is like to live enveloped by fear, isolation and anxiety.

 Even now, as a teacher, I feel I do not fully belong and am not fully appreciated for who I am. I feel like I must be secretive, and that I must pretend and hide. Yet, thankfully, as an adult, I have dealt with many of the sexuality issues brought on by society’s homophobia and am a happy, self-affirming, self-accepting person in a long-term committed relationship.  The sadness, then, comes not from who I am but from not feeling safe and secure since we do not have a nondiscrimination clause. I would never want to make some “announcement to the world” because that has nothing to do with my job.  I would at least like not to hide and pretend when the question comes up. Yet, I know that I cannot be open and affirming and cannot be a role-model for students since we do not have such a nondiscrimination clause.  I cannot let people see that it is possible to be a good teacher and citizen who happens to be gay.  I, however, especially feel sad because I see the pain in the eyes of many students who are gay, or who have gay friends or family and would like to be able to talk with them, support them, and help them feel like they belong.

 Dr. ________, it took me many years before I became comfortable with myself and I know that my road would have been much easier if I had had someone with whom to talk while growing up.  I would have had a more enjoyable childhood and adolescence if I had felt accepted as a student in the ________ schools. I would have had good memories of my school days if I had not been enveloped by the homophobia that was, and is, so prevalent in our schools and society. As educators we have a responsibility to help this ten percent of the population feel safe, secure and happy within our schools.  We have a responsibility to tell them that they belong and that they are valuable, respected, and contributing members of our school family and that they can become successful and happy adults. Until we help this large portion of our school population, how can we ever expect them to value us and what we have to give to all students in the classroom?  How can we expect them to focus their energies on their education when even we are sending them the message that they should be ashamed of who they are and that they should hide?  How can we expect them to come with a smile to school and then to support our levies as adults? I ask you, therefore, to very seriously consider adding sexual orientation to the school’s nondiscrimination clause and to further exercise your leadership by including gays, lesbians and bisexuals in your efforts to make the ________ School District a model community for diversity and “family.”

       Sincerely,

       A former student and present teacher

NOTE:  I am now completely out even though there is still no real protection