Supporting the Gay or Lesbian Student:

Source:  Arthur Lipkin

Gay , lesbian and bisexual youth often come out to a trusted teacher before coming out to any other person.  Now that we have explored several areas of concern, the rest of this newsletter will offer suggestions on how you might offer support and care to any gay person who comes to you.

1. Don’t assume the student is having a problem with being gay.  We all hear horror stories of depression, rejection, suicide, school failure and so forth, but many GLB youth come out “without drama.”

2. If you know of persons who have come out successfully and who have done well in life, be sure to bring up these positive experiences. You might direct students to some of the web sites that offer coming out stories.

1. Put up your “safe place” sticker and “welcome” poster.

2. If you have books in your room for students to read, include some gay-themed young adult novels.

3. Use language and opportunities to show that you do not assume everyone is heterosexual.

4. In talking about families, relationships, and so forth, use language that shows you understand that not all relationships are based on heterosexuality.

5. When assigning reports on issues of diversity or current events, include topics related to sexual orientation.

6. Speak out against gay jokes, phrases such as “that’s so gay,’ and other forms of homophobia.

7. Listen for “clues” that the student might want to talk.

• Dress or behavior tat seems gender-defiant
• Reference to a “friend” who is gay
• Interest in gay issues and topics.
• No sign of heterosexual dating interest.
• The gay or lesbian student may not approach you but should feel like he/she could come to you if so desired. If he or she does come to you, it is important to follow up on the conversation at later dates. By not referring to the initial contact you may send a message of anxiety or non-acceptance.

1. Thank the student for his/her trust in you.

2. Assure the student that your talk will be held in confidence to the extent possible by mandate (e.g. suicide).

3. If the student seems to need more than you can offer comfortably, refer him/her to the Guidance Office.

4. Be sure to follow up with the student so he/she does not feel so embarrassed for telling you.

5. Refer to the positive aspects of being gay (role models, diversity, rich cultural history, community, loving relationships).

6. Help the student to find appropriate resources.

7. If necessary, help the student to explore disclosure issues arising from settings such as school, home, work, etc.

8. If the student reports harassment as a problem, help him/her to report the problem.

9. Ask about relations with family, peers, teachers.

10. Help them to understand the rich diversity within the gay community; they need not feel they are trapped by the negative stereotypes but can simply be themselves.

11. Help them erase internalized homophobia and heterosexism and replace it with self-acceptance and self-esteem.

12.  Be clear about appropriate boundaries and let the student have the floor.

Sometimes a student who has come out to someone will talk about how that friend or family member is having difficulty with  the situation. Help the student to consider:

1. That it took him/her a long time to adjust to his/her own homosexuality.

2. That people need to be able to express their feelings and be heard before they can move on.

3. That finding out that a friend or family member is gay can shake up a person’s whole understanding of the person who comes out.

4. Family members, especially, may feel like they are to blame and must be reassured that no one is to blame for someone’s sexual orientation.

5. People need to adjust at their own pace and in their own way. Today’s reaction may, and probably  won’t be, tomorrow’s response to the information that someone they love is gay or lesbian.

6. Sometimes people move backward in the progress they were making but then often recover.

7. Most people, including persons who are gay, require years working out their homophobia and heterosexism.  Patience is required.

Arthur Lipkin includes in his book, Understanding Homosexuality, Changing Schools, a checklist of things teachers can do to make schools more welcoming of persons who are gay or lesbian.  Following are several suggestions from his book:

1. Become informed

• Learn about gay/lesbian issues, culture and history by reading
• Attend a film series or lecture
• Attend a meeting of a gay/lesbian/ally organization such as P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
• Have conversations with openly gay/lesbian persons
• Engage other persons in conversations about homophobia
   

2. Create a safe and equitable classroom

• Don’t assume that everyone is straight
• Don’t assume someone is gay or lesbian because of mannerisms
• Use inclusive language that allows for the possibility of gay students, family members, parents, etc.
• Challenge homophobic language and name-calling
• Challenge phrases such as “that’s so gay.”
• Put up posters showing a diversity of families and relationships
• If someone questions if you are gay, don’t be quick to answer “no,” if you are not gay.  Ask what the person might think if you were gay or lesbian.
• Be clear about your willingness to support gay students
• When appropriate, mention when someone you are studying is gay or lesbian
• If you are gay, consider being more open
• When studying issues of diversity, include sexual orientation as one of the topics
   

3. Create a safe and equitable school

• Be a role model of acceptance
• Challenge name calling an d harassment in the halls
• Work to establish policies supporting and protecting gay students from harassment and discrimination
• Call for the inclusion of sexual orientation in diversity presentations
• Create a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance)
• Call for faculty and staff training
• Invite gay speakers for assemblies or class presentations
• Join a GSA
• If you are gay, consider being more open in the community
• Work with other community groups to make the school safer and more welcoming for persons who are gay or lesbian