Support

On this page you will find:

1. Information on several problem areas some GLB persons may encounter
2. Suggestions for supporting GLB persons (especially in a school setting)
3. Suggestions on counseling in regards to thinking about careers

Counseling and Support Areas
Identified by Arthur Lipkin of Harvard University

Adolescence is often difficult as one faces the challenges of friendship, family, school, first job, first romantic relationship, increasing independence, and so much more. Add to this time the stress that comes as one realizes he/she is gay or lesbian, and the teen years become even more challenging. Though there are few good studies on gay youth, researchers are starting to take the existence and problems of gay teens more seriously. The research has been difficult because of the stigma attached to gays and lesbians. It has also been challenging because many teens are not yet willing to admit, even to themselves, that they are gay.

In Vermont’s Youth Risk Behavior Survey (YRBS) of 1997, 8.7 percent of the 3,886 sexually active males reported one or more male partners during the year. In Seattle’s 1996 YRBS, 5 percent of the 8,400 students surveyed classified themselves as gay or lesbian while another 4 percent said they were questioning.

Early work suggests that most of the emotional damage done to gay youth is the result of homophobia and heterosexism. Other research demonstrates that the negative behaviors of some gay or lesbian persons are actually ways of coping in a hostile environment. Though it is very important to know that many bisexual, gay and lesbian youth do not fall into these problem areas, other GLB youth are at risk.

Safety:
Most gay youth anticipate, or even experience, violence in their lives. This is probably their greatest obstacle to successful adjustment. As shocking as are the statistics, they probably under-represent the actual truth of what gay youth experience.

Some results from the Massachusetts 1997 YRBS:

Gay/Lesbian Straight

Property stolen or damaged in the past year 42.9% 26.8%

Being in a physical fight in the past year 24.1% 12.4%

Being in a fight requiring medical attention 13.7% 3.9%

Skipping school out of fear 18.0% 4.0%

Being threatened with a weapon in the last year 28.1% 6.6%

Carrying a weapon to school in the last month 20.2% 7.5%

Belonging:
Gay youth often report extreme feelings of isolation. Because they are often harassed and attend schools and other institutions where gay persons are not acknowledged, many gay high school students are at risk. A study by G. Remafedi (“Male Homosexuality”) found that as many as 28% of gay youth drop out of school. Another study for the NGLTF (National Gay and Lesbian Task Force) found that 25% of gay teens are thrown from their homes.

Gay youth seldom have a place to meet other gay teens or to socialize. Many think they do not know anyone else who is gay or lesbian. Many gay teens also report extreme alienation and isolation at home, at places of worship, and in most other areas of life. In short, they feel alone, lonely, shameful, guilty, unwanted and unacknowledged.

Positive images of gay persons do not instantly solve this problem. Once gay youth, however, build sustaining relationships with other gay persons, hear about gays and lesbians in school, and are acknowledged as being just as important as straight teens, positive changes begin. They start to develop coping skills, experience less stress, find a more positive sense of self-worth, and a sense of belonging.

Self-Worth:
Results from the Massachusetts 1997 Youth Risk Behavior Survey:

gay straight

Attempted suicide last year 36.6% 8.4%

Seriously considered suicide last year 53.9% 22.3%

Planned suicide last year 41.3% 18.3%

As one student reported in a study, “I just began hating myself more and more, as each year the hatred towards me grew and escalated from just simple name-calling in elementary school to having persons in high school threaten to beat me up, being pushed and...a number of other daily tortures.”

Another said, “I was always an outcast at school. Books were my best friends. I ostracized myself from the rest of the world because I felt as if I could trust no one, not even my parents. The pressure of feeling so alone manifested itself in fits of manic depression, hysterical outbreaks, and eventually suicidal tendencies.”

Finally, another wrote, “What I wanted was attention. I wanted someone to look at me and give me that attention and realize that I was being overlooked.”

Other manifestations of self-hatred can include, self-mutilation, diet disorders, over compensation, perfectionism, and a feeling of being a fraud.

Independence:
One task of adolescence is that of striving for independence. While most high school students break away from home they still know that they can fall back on their family for guidance and support. Gay youth, however, are often not “out” to their family and are fearful of their family’s reaction if they did come out. They also may not have the safety net of friends, places of worship, teachers, and so forth.

Gay teens also have trouble achieving moral independence since society sends them continual messages that being gay or lesbian is wrong, or even evil, and that they must hide or deny themselves. It is also difficult for gay youth to achieve independence since they have few opportunities to know or meet openly gay adults who could be role models, or to explore affirming sources of information. Gay youth, therefore, usually make their journey alone and without support or guidance.

Without authentic ties to other people, gay youth may fall into drug and alcohol abuse in order to numb the pain that comes from constant self-monitoring and loneliness.

Some results from the Massachusetts 1997 Youth Risk behavior Survey

Gay Straight

Alcohol use at school in the past 30 days 18.9% 5.6%

Marijuana use in the last 30 days 48.5% 31.2%

Cocaine use in lifetime 29.7% 6.1%

Cigarette smoking in the past 30 days 54.1% 33.6%

Closeness and Relationships:
Probably the most crucial tasks of adolescence are those of finding one’s identity and achieving intimate relationships. Gay youth are clearly at a disadvantage since they usually feel like they must hide who they are and must pretend to be who they are not. In such circumstances, honest, intimate, open, authentic, trusting, mature relationships are not possible.

Many gay youth will develop coping strategies that keep them from developing relationships. Some will immerse themselves in school, hobbies and work. Others will make relationships short term. Some will seek anonymous sex, or sex without emotional attachment.

Some findings from the Massachusetts 1997 YRBS:

gay straight

Had sexual intercourse 76.9% 43.5%

Had 4+ sex partners in 3 months 21.2% 4.1%

Had 4+ sex partners lifetime 44.4% 23.8%

Been or gotten someone pregnant 24.3% 12.2%

Such strategies also lead to:

Health risks (STDs, etc.)
Late start at relationships
Fear of showing affection
Keeping secret a boy/girl friend; feelings of shame and guilt
Hiding one’s life from others
Internalized stigma, hatred

Competence and Self-Awareness:
Gay and lesbian persons sometimes have difficulty developing a sense of confidence in their own ability and thus may not be as hopeful and resilient in life as they might otherwise be. Because of internalized homophobia, many gay persons do not believe they can accomplish much with their life. This is partly because gay has become synonymous with stupid, incompetent and immature. Thus, the phrase, “that’s so gay,” is especially hurtful to gay persons. Many gay and lesbian youth also believe the stereotypes about what it is to be gay and not develop the conventional skills of their gender. Furthermore, many gay persons are also damaged as they strive to shut off their sexual desires and thus become fearful of all strong feelings, or become numb.

Another problem for many gay persons is that of self-awareness. Because they are raised in a culture that causes them to deny themselves, many gay persons try to be who they are not. Inner conflict builds as they try to pass for straight and as they try to deny themselves. Interestingly, if a gay youth does not accept him/herself until later in adulthood, he/she may relive many of the tasks of adolescence at that time of coming out.

Suggestions Arthur Lipkin of Harvard Identified for Offering Support to GLB Students

Showing An Accepting Attitude:

1. Put up your “safe place” sticker and “welcome” poster.

2. If you have books in your room for students to read, include some gay-themed young adult novels.

3. Use language and opportunities to show that you do not assume everyone is heterosexual.

4. In talking about families, relationships, and so forth, use language that shows you understand that not all relationships are based on heterosexuality.

5. When assigning reports on issues of diversity or current events, include topics related to sexual orientation.

6. Speak out against gay jokes, phrases such as “that’s so gay,’ and other forms of homophobia.

7. Listen for “clues” that the student might want to talk.

Dress or behavior tat seems gender-defiant
Reference to a “friend” who is gay
Interest in gay issues and topics.
No sign of heterosexual dating interest.

The gay or lesbian student may not approach you but should feel like he/she could come to you if so desired. If he or she does come to you, it is important to follow up on the conversation at later dates. By not referring to the initial contact you may send a message of anxiety or non-acceptance.

General Help and Support:

Thank the student for his/her trust in you.
Assure the student that your talk will be held in confidence to the extent possible by mandate (e.g. suicide).
If the student seems to need more than you can offer comfortably, refer him/her to the Guidance Office.
Be sure to follow up with the student so he/she does not feel so embarrassed for telling you.
Refer to the positive aspects of being gay (role models, diversity, rich cultural history, community, loving relationships).
Help the student to find appropriate resources.
If necessary, help the student to explore disclosure issues arising from settings such as school, home, work, etc.
If the student reports harassment as a problem, help him/her to report the problem.
Ask about relations with family, peers, and teachers.
Help them to understand the rich diversity within the gay community; they need not feel they are trapped by the negative stereotypes but can simply be themselves.
Help them erase internalized homophobia and heterosexism and replace it with self-acceptance and self-esteem.
Be clear about appropriate boundaries and let the student have the floor.

Problems with Family and Friends:

Sometimes a student who has come out to someone will talk about how that friend or family member is having difficulty with the situation. Help the student to consider:

That it took him/her a long time to adjust to his/her own homosexuality.
That people need to be able to express their feelings and be heard before they can move on.
That finding out that a friend or family member is gay can shake up a person’s whole understanding of the person who comes out.
Family members, especially, may feel like they are to blame and must be reassured that no one is to blame for someone’s sexual orientation.
People need to adjust at their own pace and in their own way. Today’s reaction may, and probably won’t be, tomorrow’s response to the information that someone they love is gay or lesbian.
Sometimes people move backward in the progress they were making but then often recover.
Most people, including persons who are gay, require years working out their homophobia and heterosexism. Patience is required.

So, What Else Can I Do?

Arthur Lipkin includes in his book, Understanding Homosexuality, Changing Schools, a checklist of things teachers can do to make schools more welcoming of persons who are gay or lesbian. Following are several suggestions from his book:

1. Become informed

Learn about gay/lesbian issues, culture and history by reading
Attend a film series or lecture
Attend a meeting of a gay/lesbian/ally organization such as P-FLAG (Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays)
Have conversations with openly gay/lesbian persons
Engage other persons in conversations about homophobia

2. Create a safe and equitable classroom

Don’t assume that everyone is straight
Don’t assume someone is gay or lesbian because of mannerisms
Use inclusive language that allows for the possibility of gay students, family members, parents, etc.
Challenge homophobic language and name-calling
Challenge phrases such as “that’s so gay.”
Put up posters showing a diversity of families and relationships
If someone questions if you are gay, don’t be quick to answer “no,” if you are not gay. Ask what the person might think if you were gay or lesbian.
Be clear about your willingness to support gay students
When appropriate, mention when someone you are studying is gay or lesbian
If you are gay, consider being more open
When studying issues of diversity, include sexual orientation as one of the topics

3. Create a safe and equitable school

Be a role model of acceptance
Challenge name calling an d harassment in the halls
Work to establish policies supporting and protecting gay students from harassment and discrimination
Call for the inclusion of sexual orientation in diversity presentations
Create a GSA (Gay-Straight Alliance)
Call for faculty and staff training
Invite gay speakers for assemblies or class presentations
Join a GSA
If you are gay, consider being more open in the community
Work with other community groups to make the school safer and more welcoming for persons who are gay or lesbian

Information Related to Thinking About Careers

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